128 Hilarious Christmas Jokes for the Festive Season

The festive season is upon us and that means Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” is blasting 24/7 on the radio and in every store you walk into. Christmas is one of the biggest holidays of the year. For religious folk, it’s a time to remember the birth of Jesus, for everyone else, the Christmas season is a time of celebration with family and friends. Whether pulling crackers during Christmas dinner or sitting around the Christmas tree and opening presents with the kiddies, it’s a day when people come together and try their best to act as civilized families, which is harder for some. Christmas is also a time for laughter and joy, as these Christmas jokes demonstrate. 

Everyone loves a good Santa joke or a red nose reindeer gag about Rudolph. The jokes you get from the Christmas crackers are usually dad jokes or silly Christmas puns. Some are funny, but most are terrible and will have everyone around the table groaning. That’s why we’ve scoured the internet (and plenty of crackers) and collected some of the funniest Christmas jokes around. 

These jokes are guaranteed to have you giggling and will provide a bit of levity at Christmas dinner when Uncle Joe starts expressing his political views after a couple of glasses of red. So read on and enjoy these hilarious Christmas gags. 

128 Hilarious Christmas Jokes for the Festive Season

Hilarious Christmas Jokes

1. What’s green, covered in tinsel, and goes ribbit, ribbit?

A Mistle-toad.

2. How does a snowman lose weight? 

He waits for the weather to get warmer!

3. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws!

4. What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?

Freeze a jolly good fellow.

5. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?

He was feeling crummy.

6. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

7. What is the Christmas carol that you can sing to fruits on Christmas day?

“Have Yourself A Berry Little Christmas.”

8. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?

Because of all the wrapping.

9. What do golfers get in their stockings?

Silly putty.

10. What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?

Cross-mouse cards!

11. What’s the Grinch’s least favorite band?

The Who.

12. Why wouldn’t Ebenezer Scrooge eat at the pasta restaurant?

It cost a pretty penne.

13. What do snowmen eat for dessert?

Ice crispies.

14. How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit?

Nurse them back to elf.

15. What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas?

‘Tis the season to be jelly!

16. What do monkeys sing at Christmas?

Jungle bells!

17. How is Christmas exactly like your job? 

You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.

18. What athlete is warmest during Christmas time?

A long jumper.

19. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

“It’s Christmas, Eve.”

20. What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps.

21. Who is never hungry at Christmas?

The turkey – he’s always stuffed.

22. How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit?

No Brussels.

23. What would you give a dog as a present for Christmas?

A mobile bone.

24. How do sheep wish each other happy holidays?

“Merry Christmas to ewe.”

25. Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because it was the chicken’s day off.

26. Why is a foot a good Christmas present?

Because it makes a good stocking filler.

27. What do you call Santa’s little helpers? 

Subordinate clauses.

28. What do snowmen call their offspring?

Chill-dren.

29. What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?

Wrap.

30. How did Scrooge win the football game?

The ghost of Christmas passed.

31. What diagnosis did the doctor give to the patient who kept eating Christmas decorations?

Tinsel-itis.

32. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? 

The Christmas alphabet has No-els.

33. Why does Snoop Dogg always love giving gifts to everyone?

Probably because he’s very good at wrapping.

34. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

Ge felt his presence. 

35. What is the best Christmas present in the world?

A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!

36. What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

37. What do you call someone who can’t stop talking about last Christmas?

Santa-mental.

38. How did the Ornament get addicted to Christmas?

He has been hooked on trees his whole life.

39. What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?

Twerky.

40. Why did Santa’s helper see a therapist?

Because he had low elf-esteem.

41. What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.

42. What does the gingerbread man put on his bed?

Cookie sheets!

43. What do snowmen like most about school? 

Snow and tell!

44. How do you scare a snowman?

With a hairdryer!

45. Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas? 

Because they’re shell-fish.

46. What comes at the end of Christmas Day? 

The letter “Y!”

47. What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas calendar?

 He got 12 months.

48. Why was Theresa May sacked as Nativity Manager? 

She couldn’t run a stable government!

Hilarious Santa Claus Jokes 

49. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claus-trophobia. 

50. What does Santa eat for breakfast?

Mistle toast!

51. What is Santa’s dog’s name?

Santa Paws!

52. What is Santa’s favorite place to deliver presents?

Idaho-ho-ho.

53. How does Santa Claus keep track of every fireplace he has already visited?

Well, he keeps a log.

54. What’s Santa Claus’s favorite type of potato chip?

Crisp Pringles.

55. What did Santa do when he went speed dating?

He pulled a cracker.

56. What’s red, white, and green?

Santa Claus when he’s travel sick.

57. How does Santa take photos?

With a Pole-aroid camera, of course.

58. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?

A Holly Davidson.

59. Why doesn’t Santa go to the hospital?

He has private elf care.

60. Why doesn’t Santa eat junk food?

Because it’s bad for your elf.

61. Who is Santa’s favorite singer?

Elf-is Presley.

62. Who’s Santa Claus’s favorite pop star?

It’s Beyon-sleigh.

63. What did Santa ask Rudolph when he wanted to ask about the condition of the weather?

He asked, “Do you think it will rain, dear?”

64. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?

Nothing, it was on the house.

65. Why don’t reindeer like picnics?

Because of all their ant-lures.

66. Which one of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves?

Dancer.

67. What does Santa say when he gets ill?

Oh oh no.

68. What did Santa say when he stepped into a big puddle?

It must have reindeer.

69. What do you call Santa when he stops moving?

Santa Pause.

70. Where does Santa always stay when he goes on vacation?

At the ho-ho-ho-tel.

71. What happens when you combine Santa with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker.

72. What does Santa do when the reindeer drive too fast?

Hold on for deer life.

73. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claus-trophobia.

74. What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?

Santa walking backward.

75. Which of Santa’s friends is the most chill?

Jack Frost.

Hilarious Elf Jokes

76. What do elves do after school?

Their gnome work.

77. What do you call a greedy elf?

Elfish.

78. What is an elf’s favorite sport? 

North-pole vaulting.

79. What is an elf’s favorite candy?

Orna-mints!

80. If an athlete gets athlete’s foot, what does an elf get?

Mistle-toe!

81. What do you call an elf that can sing and dance? 

Elfis Persley. 

82. What happens to naughty elves?

They get the sack.

83. What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa’s workshop?

A rebel without a Claus.

84. Why are elves, such great motivational speakers?

They have plenty of elf-confidence.

85. What does Santa do with out-of-shape elves?

Sends them to an elf Farm.

Hilarious Christmas Tree Jokes

86. Why do Christmas trees like the past so much?

Because the present’s beneath them.

87. What did the beaver say when it saw the Christmas tree?

“Nice gnawing you.”

88. Which former president planted the most Christmas trees?

Wood-row Wilson

89. What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.

90. Why did the little boy bring his Christmas tree to the hair salon?

It needed a little trim.

91. Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer?

Spruce Springsteen.

92. What’s as big as a Christmas tree but is lighter than a feather?

Its shadow.

93. What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed?

It started its own branch.

94. How do Christmas trees get their email?

They log-on.

95. How did the two rival Christmas trees get along?

They signed a peace tree-ty.

96. What was the Christmas tree’s favorite shape?

A treeangle!

Hilarious Reindeer Jokes

97. What do you call a blind reindeer?

No-eye-deer. 

98. Where do Santa’s reindeer stop for coffee?

Star-bucks.

99. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?

Rude-olph.

100. Why did Rudolph have a bad grade on his report card?

Because he went down in history!

101. Why do reindeer like Beyoncé so much?

She sleighs.

102. What’s worse than a reindeer with a runny nose?

A snowman with a fever!

103. What reindeer game do reindeer play at sleepovers?

Truth or deer.

104. What did the reindeer say before he went up to the comedy show to tell a joke?

“This one’s going to sleigh.”

105. What do you call a reindeer ghost?

Cari-boo.

106. What does Rudolph want for Christmas?

A Pony sleigh station.

Hilarious Christmas Dad Jokes

107. What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?

He got 25 days.

108. What did one Christmas tree say to another?

Lighten up.

109. Where would you find a snowman dancing?

At a snowball.

110. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?

Stick with me and we’ll go places.

111. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?

Their days are numbered.

112. How did the reindeer know it was going to rain?

Because Rudolph the red-knows-rain, deer!

113. What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol?

Silent Night.

114. Christmas: The time when everyone gets…

Santamental.

115. The man asked his wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.”

So he bought her nothing.

116. The 3 stages of man. He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.

He is Santa Claus.

117. What is the most competitive season?

Win-ter!

118. What type of key do you need for a Nativity play?

A don-key!

119. Why did Donald Trump continuously decorate the Christmas tree?

Because people kept saying “moron” to him!

120. Which TV Christmas special is being filmed in Brussels this year?

Deal Or No Deal!

Hilarious Christmas Knock Knock Jokes

121. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ima. Ima who?

Ima dreaming of a white Christmas…

122. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alaska. Alaska who? 

Alaska again. What do you want for Christmas?

123. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? 

Snow time to waste. It’s almost Christmas!

124. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Chris. Chris who?

Christmas is here!

125. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Kanye. Kanye who? 

Kanye help me untangle my Christmas lights?

126. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who?

Harry up and open your gift!

127. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Irish. Irish who?

Irish you a Merry Christmas.

128. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Interrupting Santa. Inter-

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!